he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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