Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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