Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
