Your mouth is God's brothel.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
