a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How naked do you want me to be?
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