i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
