I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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