Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
