Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
