i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
