Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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