Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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