Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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