I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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