What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
