Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
