whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
