the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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