she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
