Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize