Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
