the new term for farting is butt boxing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
