Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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