finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
