In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
