We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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