Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
