ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
