My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
