Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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