Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
