Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
