cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
