I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize