a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
