I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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