I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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