Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
