we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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