so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
