i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
