the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
