Where did you get a picture of my penis
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize