Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize