He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
