Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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