It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
