yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How naked do you want me to be?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
