Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So vagazzling was a success
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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