dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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