there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize