sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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