East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
