Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
