he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
