just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
