imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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