I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
