Don't make out with my wife yet
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
