Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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