Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
