Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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