does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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