Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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