She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
