just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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