You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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