I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
