It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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