I want to stick my p in your. b.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
